Written By Crystal-Ann Roberts

I realized that lately I have ran far from this white screen. My heart so heavy I was afraid to share my thoughts. The past two months have been more that different. I guess that’s what I would call it now.

I wondered why everytime I was going to work, my heart would race. Why sleep would be distant, why my dreams would be filled with fear. Why images of masked faces would be my new norm. People calling me hero felt weird, people saying thank you more than I’ve heard my entire nursing career was strange.

It took some time for me to adjust. I disappeared for a while. I would come home each shift so heavy, worrying that I might bring home more than just a paycheck this week. My goals took a back seat to me figuring out how to rise, how to not just overcome but to soar. I had to belive that God was not surprised by all this. That He did not wake up one day, turned on the news and heard about Covid for the first time. I had to remind myself that the God I serve is not subject to time as we are. That He is soverign even in suffering. Even in suffering! Even in suffering! I have looked forward to heaven more, reminded myself that undertsanding is not always meant for now but all will be revealed in time.

So where am I today? I am adjusting and trusting. I am choosing peace over anxiousness, I am standing on Gods truth because its the only lasting thing. I am learning to be gracious with myself and to love others. What am I reading? The book of 1st John is filling me up lately. My childrens laughter reminds me to be present and enjoy my days because they fade, they fade quickly. My husband reminds me to not lose sight of my dreams, they are still present and real.

Truly if I have life I have hope. I pray you too find hope today, no matter what this life may bring.

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